I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
