he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
