According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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