you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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