She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
