you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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