i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
