Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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