in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
