Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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