Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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