Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
