so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
