Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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