In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
