I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I can text with my tongue
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
