there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
