If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
