Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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