I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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