We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
