I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
