I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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