Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize