i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
