It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
