You're so nebulous sometimes
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
