brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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