You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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