I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
