Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
