I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
the day after is always just damage control
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
