some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
