dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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