Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Sober January is a disaster.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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