I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
