he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
