Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
