At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
3pm strippers are depressing
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
