I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
