You're a womanizer and a bitch.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
