Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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