I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
