The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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