My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My feet surprised me
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
