Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
