Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well I just put wine in my tea
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
