SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
