He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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