my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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