Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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