you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
