the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
