I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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