Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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