I just cut my nipple shaving
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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