what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize