I hope mine doesn't look like that
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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