we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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