I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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