The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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