Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
