Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
