I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
