True but thats because hes a fetus.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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