i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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