Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
as a side note pls kill me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
