you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
