One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
