is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
