what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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