I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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