She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sponge bath it is.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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