He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
