I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize