hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
