Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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