the condom got lost in my hair
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
