ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Help. Why am I so naked?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
