I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
